When Words Harm: Exposing the Hidden Bias in Our Everyday Language

Hey friends—Jonelle here. If you’ve been following the White Women Wake Up podcast, you know that my mom Karen and I are all about holding space for uncomfortable, honest conversations—without shame, but not without accountability.

In Episode 18, we tackled something that’s been sitting with me for a while: the unconscious bias buried in the everyday language we use. It started as a casual convo about idioms and snowballed into a revelation about how white supremacy sneaks into our speech—words we say without a second thought, that actually carry a heavy, harmful history.

So today, I want to take that conversation further. Because the language we use matters. It shapes how we see the world—and how the world sees us. For those of us who are white women, especially those who identify as moderate or progressive, it’s crucial to examine how our inherited language reflects inherited bias.

The Everyday Offenders

Let’s start with a few idioms we explored in the episode:

“Black and white thinking” – Sounds harmless, right? But this phrase reinforces dualistic thinking rooted in white-dominant perspectives. As we said on the podcast, it's not just a mental trap—it’s a cultural one. Binary thinking (“good/bad,” “right/wrong”) often ignores the nuance and lived experience of marginalized communities. Karen noted, “It doesn’t allow us to hear different points of view. Nuances are everything.”

“Ghetto” – My dad casually used this word to describe a rundown store, and I had to call it out. It’s a word loaded with racial and classist undertones. Historically, it’s linked to the forced segregation of Jewish people and later, Black communities. When we use it as shorthand for something cheap or sketchy, we perpetuate stereotypes about people who’ve been historically oppressed by systems far bigger than them.

“Indian giver” – This one is packed with misrepresentation. First of all, “Indian” itself is outdated and inaccurate. Second, the phrase implies someone who gives a gift and then takes it back—yet history shows that it was colonizers who broke treaties and took land, not Indigenous peoples. If anything, it should be “white giver.”

“Master bedroom” – Real estate, HGTV, you name it—it’s everywhere. But “master” has direct ties to slavery and patriarchy. Language like “primary bedroom” is a small but powerful switch that removes harmful roots from our everyday speech.

We dug into more—“long time no see” (mockery of broken English), “rule of thumb” (a law allowing a man to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb), “cakewalk” (a slavery-era dance performed for white amusement), “calling a spade a spade” (a slur for Black people), and “that’s insane” (ableist language). It’s shocking when you realize how deeply these phrases are embedded in our culture—and how little we question them.

Language Isn’t Neutral

Here’s the thing: language reflects the values of the dominant culture. In the U.S., that’s white, cisgender, Christian, able-bodied, male-centered culture. That doesn’t mean every white person is actively racist, but it does mean that many of the idioms we use were created in a context where racism, sexism, and classism were normalized.

Take the current national conversation around book banning and DEI program rollbacks. In several U.S. states, policies are being passed that claim to “protect children” by eliminating “divisive language” from classrooms. But often, these efforts actually erase the

uncomfortable truths of our history—truths that marginalized groups are still living every day.

What does this have to do with idioms? Everything. When we sanitize language to make ourselves more comfortable, we often end up reinforcing the same systems that oppressed people to begin with.

It’s Not About Policing—It’s About Presence

I want to be really clear: this isn’t about becoming the language police or walking on eggshells. It’s about becoming more present to the impact of our words. As I said on the podcast, “There’s no shame in realizing you’ve used harmful phrases. The goal is not perfection—it’s awareness.”

“If I’m using language and someone says, ‘Huh, have you thought about that?’ my defenses go up. But I’m learning to have courage around my discomfort.”

This is so real. If someone points out a problematic phrase, instead of getting defensive, try responding with: “What could I say instead?” That simple shift opens the door to learning and connection, instead of shame and shutdown.

From Performative to Purposeful

We also talked about how language plays into activism. A listener wrote in asking if forwarding anti-racist articles on social media is performative. Karen and I had slightly different takes, but we both agreed: allyship isn’t about comfort. If you're putting yourself out there, having tough conversations, and taking even small risks, you're moving beyond performance into purpose.

That includes language. Being mindful of your words—even when no one’s watching—is a form of activism. It’s how we build trust and accountability with communities we want to support.

A Broader Cultural Wake-Up

Let’s zoom out for a sec. Why are we even talking about idioms? Because they reveal how deeply white supremacy and patriarchy are baked into the way we think, speak, and navigate the world.

This isn't new. Writers like Toni Morrison and bell hooks have long spoken about the power of language to both liberate and oppress. What’s new is that more white women—maybe like you—are waking up to it. We’re questioning our inherited beliefs. We’re realizing that the way we were taught to speak (and think) isn’t neutral—it’s part of a larger system that benefits us at others' expense.

What You Can Do

If you're reading this and feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. I’ve used many of these phrases myself. This is an ongoing process—not a checklist.

Here are some steps you can take:

1. Listen Without Defensiveness: When someone calls you in (or out), pause. Breathe. Ask questions. Let curiosity lead instead of shame.

2. Start Replacing Idioms: Try swapping “master bedroom” for “primary bedroom.” Replace “crazy” or “insane” with “intense,” “surprising,” or “overwhelming.” You’ll be amazed how many more accurate words you can use.

3. Educate Yourself: Look up the history of idioms. Follow language-conscious educators like @theconsciouskid. Reading history from the lens of BIPOC voices helps, too.

4. Model Mindful Language: When you hear others use outdated or harmful phrases, gently ask if they’ve thought about where that phrase comes from. Lead with compassion, not condemnation.

5. Keep the Conversation Going: Share what you're learning with your family, friends, and community. This work doesn’t happen in isolation—it thrives in dialogue.

Final Thoughts

We can't change the past, but we can change how we show up in the present. Our words carry weight. They tell the world what we value and who we’re willing to learn from.

If you’re someone who grew up, like me, in spaces where white culture was the norm, this process might feel like a loss at first—like you’re giving up parts of your identity. But I promise, what you gain in return—deeper empathy, wider perspective, and authentic connection—is so much more meaningful.

Let’s keep learning together. Let’s stay curious. Let’s choose words that build bridges instead of walls.

Until next time—stay curious, stay open, and keep waking up.

-Jonelle