Breaking Down the Words That Make Us Uncomfortable

In today's world, words hold power—sometimes more than we even realize. For white women, certain terms connected to race, gender, sexuality, and social justice often provoke strong reactions, whether we realize it or not. Every word has a backstory, a cultural weight that can evoke different feelings depending on who’s listening. In the latest episode of the "White Women Wake Up" podcast, we discuss some of the terms that have triggered us in conversations. From “white women” to “racism,” these words spark internal reactions because they are deeply tied to our identity, history, and worldview.

Let’s unpack some of the trigger words that frequently cause discomfort among us (white women); why these words can be so jarring and why it’s essential to lean into the discomfort as we strive for greater awareness and personal growth.

White Women: An Uncomfortable Term

One of the most direct and uncomfortable terms that come up is the phrase "white women" itself. Karen and I reflect on how this phrase often triggers negative reactions because it calls out a specific group—white women—often for our role in perpetuating systemic privilege and oppression. It’s easy to feel defensive when this term is used, especially if you see yourself as someone who actively works to dismantle inequality.

However, it’s crucial to understand that the term "white women" is not meant to shame but to identify a specific group that needs to engage in these conversations. As I said on the podcast "white women are our responsibility, as white women, to educate ourselves , to help each other grow, to help each other unlearn biases in a shame-free environment" The discomfort with the term arises because it forces an acknowledgment of the disparities in power that exist between white women and marginalized groups, particularly women of color. 

The term “white women” also sparks feelings of discomfort due to a need for validation of our own societal struggles as women. We know we also have to fight for our place in this world, and some of us (myself included at times) feel that being called out for our privilege downplays our own hardship. However, that's not the case. Acknowledging our privileges doesn’t overshadow our burdens. In fact, leaning on the empathy built from our burdens will only help push against all systems that hurt us and other marginalized groups. 

Bias: A Word that Can Be Both Neutral and Triggering

Another word that triggers reactions is "bias." When we talk about bias, the word itself isn't inherently negative. It can simply refer to a tendency or preference for something—like Karen’s love for the color yellow, which she readily admits is a bias​. However, when it comes to conversations around race, "bias" takes on a more charged meaning. It becomes about recognizing the prejudices that influence our thinking, often unconsciously.

For many white women, acknowledging their biases is a tough pill to swallow. It forces us to confront the idea that we may hold preconceived notions or discriminatory thoughts, even if we don’t intend to. Karen shares how she has realized that she has biases related to race, even though she didn’t always consciously recognize them. This self-awareness is uncomfortable but necessary for growth.

Racism: The Elephant in the Room

Perhaps the most triggering term in any conversation about race is "racism" itself. The very idea of being called a racist brings up feelings of shame, guilt, and defensiveness. In the podcast, Karen and I delve into why the term "racist" is so loaded. For many white women, being called a racist feels like a personal attack on their character, but it’s essential to understand that racism isn’t always about being a hateful or bigoted person—it’s about unexamined biases and systemic power imbalances.

As we discussed, racism exists on a spectrum. It’s not just about consciously hating someone based on their race—it’s also about unconscious opinions formed about people of different races through racial hierarchies that have been built into our society. Even well-meaning people can exhibit racist behaviors without realizing it. In fact, as Karen points out, "We are all racist" to some extent, in that we’ve all been shaped by a society that perpetuates racial inequalities​.

This doesn’t mean that we are all equally hateful or prejudiced, but it acknowledges that racism is something that all of us, regardless of our intentions, must actively work to dismantle. The discomfort with the word "racism" stems from our reluctance to recognize

the pervasive nature of these systems and our complicity within them.

Feminism: The Struggle for Equality

Another term that often causes discomfort, particularly among white women, is "feminism." For many, feminism triggers thoughts of angry protests, man-hating rhetoric, or radical movements or more recently, white feminism, which has been criticized for failing to address intersectionality—the way race, class, and other factors influence women’s experiences. For other white women, it can feel like a direct challenge to the traditional gender roles we were raised with. 

We want to emphasize that at its core, feminism is all about equality for women—no matter their race, sexuality, or class. It's not about tearing down traditional roles or saying women can’t be homemakers, stay-at-home moms, or wives if that's what they truly want. In fact, feminism recognizes that choosing to embrace those roles is just as valid as choosing to pursue a career, be an artist, or lead a business. What feminism is really about is giving women the freedom to choose their path, without society telling them what that should look like.

Here's the thing: feminism benefits all women, no matter where they come from or what path they choose. It's about empowering women of all backgrounds to have the same opportunities and support to make those decisions. For women of color, LGBTQ+ women, or women from different socioeconomic backgrounds, feminism fights for equal access to things like education, healthcare, and the right to live free from violence. It’s about making sure that all women have the chance to live life on their terms, without anyone holding them back based on who they are or where they come from.

Critical Race Theory (CRT): A Loaded Term

"Critical Race Theory" (CRT) has become a highly polarizing phrase in recent years. Often misunderstood and misrepresented in media and political discussions, CRT is a framework that examines how laws and policies are shaped by racial power structures. For many white women, CRT is a trigger word because it challenges fundamental ideas about fairness, justice, and the American dream.

Karen & I note that CRT can be intimidating because it asks us to rethink the systems that govern our lives—laws, education, and even social relationships. It requires us to confront the reality that these systems are built on racial inequality and are designed to maintain that inequality. While the phrase "Critical Race Theory" often sparks heated debates, We stress that understanding its core principles—examining race and power as central to society—can help us better understand the societal issues we face and why addressing them is crucial to creating a more just world​.

Moving Through the Discomfort

The key to moving through these triggering words is to lean into the discomfort. Both Karen and I stress the importance of engaging in these conversations, even when they’re hard. The goal isn’t to eliminate all discomfort but to create a space where it’s okay to feel triggered and still stay engaged. By having these tough conversations and confronting the words that make us squirm, we can begin the work of true growth and change.

As I pointed out, "we need to have the courage to stay in it"​. This involves reflecting on why certain words or phrases make us uncomfortable. It’s not about neutralizing these words; it’s about understanding them, embracing their complexity, and understanding the cultural and historical context behind them; then taking responsibility for our reactions. Only then can we start bridging the gaps in understanding and make real progress

Keep waking up!

-Jonelle